Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
