He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
