I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
