He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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