TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
