Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
