I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
