Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
