Whod you bang
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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