Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
