New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
