Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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