I wish I could punch you in the face.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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