Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
