my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
