I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
