Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish you could order shots online.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
