i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's blow job season.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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