I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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