My liver just broke up with me...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
