It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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