I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he thought i was a dude.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
