It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
