I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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