Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
