they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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