I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
