I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
