just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
