i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
