On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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