his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
