i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
