I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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