Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
