I only kidnapped one of them. chill
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
