Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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