I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
