i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
