Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
