We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
