Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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