Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
