Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
