Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
