At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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