Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
