Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
