When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
