I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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