i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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